Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
