so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
