i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
