I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
