I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize