so that wasnt chicken after all
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
