I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
