you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
