I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
