ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
