We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
