how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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