You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
