i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
