Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
