take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
