BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
