I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
