Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
