She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
