the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
