I skipped work to stalk him.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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