you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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