he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
