I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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