My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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