Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
