My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
