The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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