got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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