the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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