i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
