First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
