I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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