have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
