She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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