I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
