honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
