sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I did not marry a roomba.
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