i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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