Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
