OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
