Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
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