I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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