I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
operation have a gay friend backfired
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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