so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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