she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
