that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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