Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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