Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize