now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
