you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Couch. On fire.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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