Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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