It's chlamydia! Thank God!
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize