he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
