32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
