We're like a lot better than the average bears
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My dick has a subreddit
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
