i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
