i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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