so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
