Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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