i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
