Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
