they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
