hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
