If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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