I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
