it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
