So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize