Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
