i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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