He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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