He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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