I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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