remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
