god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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