You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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