areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
