why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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