Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
