She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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