He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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