We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
