The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
my liver is dry heaving
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
