I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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