Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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