my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
