I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize