I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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