4 words: hood of his car
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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