I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize