Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
