Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
