My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
