I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
