i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize