At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
