Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
