dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
