There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
